This is me

Here is that poem I wrote a while ago and didn't know if I wanted to post or not.

This is Me

Who would I be if I felt loved,
cared for,
special?
Who would I be had I said no
instead of yes?
What if I did what I felt I should
instead of what I felt?
Of if I did what I felt
instead of what I should?
What if I had no brother
who did me wrong
who taught me wrong
who touched me wrong?
No brother to make me tough
to teach me how to throw
how to cry
how to hate?
Or had no sister
to set an example for?
No sister watching my moves
looking for mistakes
looking for perfection
looking for excuses?
What if I had a mom
who knew how to mom,
how to love,
how to be feel?
What if my mom knew happiness
when she saw it?
What if my dad
stopped playing my mom’s games
long before I was born?
What if he said yes to me
when I wanted to stay up late
stay home from school
stay and talk?
What if he was gentle with me
laughed with me
pleased with me?
What if I listened to my conscience more?
What if I heard my conscience?
What if I felt like a gift from God?
A child of God?
A beloved friend?
A cherished daughter?
A special person?

And where would I be
if I had not ran?
If I had taken the easy way?
If I taken the road less traveled?
Where would I be if I wasn’t a leaver?
Wasn’t a pleaser?
Wasn’t so worried
Or maybe worried more?
Where would I be if I left
when I wanted to
when I needed to
when I didn’t?
Where would I be if I didn’t come back
didn’t go
didn’t stay?

Who would I be?
Where would I be?
I wouldn’t be here
and I wouldn’t be me.