This Love Stuff

I've written before about my love issues.  When I have more time, I'll link it here in case you're interested. 

I'd say that these last few months have really been a healing time, and a time where I've been able to see from a clearer perspective how things really are.  I'm pretty sure that these new discoveries are things that have always been there; I just hadn't realized them or been open to accepting them.

I used to believe that people only said or did nice things out of obligation.  I figured everyone had their own agenda and was only looking out for themselves.  Yeah, I guess I had become pretty cynical.  Even with my husband, I figured it was an obligation.  Several times over the last few weeks I have been able to stop and see how someone has done something for me, out of nothing but love.  I had a friend invite me and the boys over for lunch when she knew I was having a rough day, and B was out of town.  Instead of worrying about being good enough to be worthy of the invite, or funny enough to be good company, I was able to just be.  We didn't talk much, we didn't stay long, but I left feeling so loved and cared for. 

When I ran my half marathon, I had a few people send me encouraging texts while I was running, and it made me feel so special.  In the past I would've thought they were only being nosy, and were only interested in finding out my time so they could compare and know they are faster.  This time around I was able to just take the encouragement at face value for what it was, gestures of love. 

I grew up in a house where we didn't lend anything to anybody.  We didn't trust anyone to take care of our things or to return them like they said they would.  We didn't invite people to "family" events.  We didn't ask anyone for anything.  If we absolutely had to ask, we worded it so that the person had an out.  "I know you're probably busy, I know it's late notice, I know you probably can't, but..."  That's where I learned to put up these walls.  That's where I learned to do life alone.  That's where I learned that people are bad, people are out to hurt you, people shouldn't be let in. 

Thank God for the healing he is bringing.  I'm so thankful for unexpected things like this, that I couldn't even have known to ask for .  Life isn't meant to be done alone.  Sure, I guess you can, but why would you want to?  I'm liking these people loving on me, and it's pretty great to reciprocate too.