Empty

I'm afraid I will forever have this empty feeling.  I'm afraid it's how I'm going to feel for the rest of my life.  I don't feel loved.  I want to feel loved.  I'm a married mother of three, so I'm not allowed to go about seeking love.  It's not enough for me to hear my husband say it a million times.

 So I just live with this empty feeling.

 It doesn't get better.  It doesn't fade or go away.  I was treated like shit growing up and continue to feel unloved and unworthy of attention from others and undeserving of love from myself.  And I just feel like shit all the time.  And I pray for it to get better, and it doesn't.  I don't think there is a God that gives a damn about how I feel.  He doesn't f-ing care because if he did he'd make it better.  He'd own up to the fact that the only reason I feel like this is because he allowed me to live in a hell hole growing up where I was mistreated and molested.  Bring on the flood of self worth issues.  So through no fault of my own I feel like shit.  And the same God who didn't make it better then, doesn't make it better now.  I feel alone and empty.

I want to be happy.  I want to have peace.  I want to feel loved.  And I don't have any of that.