On The Go

I am craving some downtime!  My days off are filled with kids kids kids and more kids.  I love my boys and I want to do things with them.  I want them to have a fun summer.  But I just want to veg out and read and relax for a day!

I'm always so torn when it comes to my time with my boys.  I have this fear that I'm not doing enough with them, or for them.  I want them to have good memories of our time together.  I want them to remember that I loved being with them.  I don't want them to look back and think I was unhappy or that I didn't want to be around them.  But I can't give and give and give until I have nothing left either.  I've got to try to find the balance.  I worry about not doing enough because I felt unloved as a kid.  My parents were not nurturing or affectionate.  They were busy and I felt like I was in the way.  They did not do things with me.  I cannot remember one time of actually playing WITH one of my parents.  But if you ask them, I'm sure they'd say that they love/d me very much and I have no reason to have these issues from growing up unloved.  And when I can't quite put my finger on what the problem was, I don't know how to fix it.  I play catch with Big C everyday.  But how long is enough?  He's upset if I say I'm done after 5 minutes and he's upset if I say I'm done after 45 minutes. I'm afraid all he will remember is wanting to play longer and me telling him "no." I want to do my best with my boys.  But I want to take care of myself too, which I've never done.  I'm trying to make time to do the things I like to do, but it's difficult.  My time is split between my 3 boys, taking care of things around the house, and investing time in my marriage.  I'm so glad my baby is such a good baby. I'm afraid if he weren't that I would wish we had just stuck with 2.  Three kids is a lot!  Parenting is hard work.