Who Am I?

This is going to read a little funny, because I'm just going to copy and paste an email that I sent to a friend rather than retype the story.  Here it is::

Did you see my fb post:
"Sometimes you have to do something you don't want to do, but you do it because that's the person you want to be."
It's from a book I was reading, but I wanted to tell you the story behind it.

So I was leaving work yesterday and I hear someone sobbing. She was curled up on the floor in a corner, and there were lots of people around. I don't do strangers, emotion, sharing, touchy-feely. Not my thing. (You're surprised to learn this, I know.)  So I kept walking. Then I thought about how many other people probably walked right by her, assuming someone else would help. And I thought about all the times I was hurting and wanted someone to notice. So I went back.

I asked if she was ok. She said yeah. And I wanted to leave it at that and walk away. But I didn't. I asked if there was something I could do, and she said no. And I wanted to leave it at that and walk away. But I didn't. I asked if there was anyone I could call for her, and then she started to spill her guts.

If your life is falling apart, I'm the last person you want to find you. When it comes to advice and encouragement, I've got nothing. But 45 minutes later, she was done crying and she felt better. I hadn't said much, but it was ok.

Then, in case this whole scenario wasn't already way outside of my comfort zone, I offered to pray for her before I left. So I prayed. Out loud.

I called B on my way out since I was now an hour late coming home from work and started to tell him about it, and he thought he must not have heard me right. Because that is absolutely not something I'd ever do. Ever.

But I wanted to tell you about it, because I'm actually starting to see the hard work pay off. I didn't realize it until recently, but I really couldn't do any character building, or developing compassion and empathy to love others who are hurting until I was in a healthier spot myself. Sometimes I feel like I've made no progress in 18 months of therapy. But I'm starting to see that I'm just now doing some real, intentional stuff to become a better person and to live a more Christ like life, and I just wasn't even capable of taking these steps until I had dealt with all the junk from my past.

So now it's getting kind of fun. Now it's getting to the part where I feel like I really can be who I want to be, and work on developing the fruits of the spirit, and work on loving people, and enjoying grace, and offering grace and hope to others.

Thanks for all the encouragement to keep pushing through the tough stuff. No part of that was fun, but I'm seeing now how it was so worth it. Stay tuned. It's about to get even better. I'm excited now! :)