13 years ago, I didn’t know what love was. I thought that I needed to be fixed, that I
needed to be made better, and that you could do that. I didn’t know that consistency was the goal
and that your love was unconditional.
I’m sorry for all those times I deliberately put that to the test. I couldn’t see that your love for me was not
based on performance, and I didn’t have the self worth in place to understand
why you tired so hard with me. The
scariest part about working through my own issues over the last 2 years is that
I was worried that I’d find I didn’t need you anymore. I was afraid that if I took that piece out of
how I understood our relationship, then there’d be nothing left to stand
on. I could not have been more
wrong. When I took need out of the
equation, I realized we are on the same team and we make each other better. I
could finally understand every gesture, kind word, and bit of encouragement from
you has always been nothing but love.
I was afraid of what might happen if I became strong enough
to not need you. What happened was that
I became dependent on Christ for my strength and needs and was able to level
the playing field with you. I could
finally see how you fought for my heart from day one. I don’t need you in the way I once thought I
did. But today I want you to know that
I want you, I choose you, and I promise to make your complete acceptance of me
my everyday reality.
I promise to accept love from you and to look for ways to
continually show you love. I promise to
keep working on taking down my walls and allowing myself to be affected by
you. I promise to strive to find comfort
in the consistency you bring to my life.
I promise to continue to pray for you as the leader of our family and to
trust you without wavering.
I promise to listen without interrupting and to answer
without arguing. Wait. I promise to TRY to listen without
interrupting and answer without arguing.
I promise to let you in and to truly share this life with
you as your equal, your partner, your wife.
Loving you and being loved by you doesn’t make me weak. It makes me loved. Little did I know that what I was fighting
against was the very thing I needed most.
I promise to choose growth over perfection as we move
forward as partners on the same team.
When I think about some of the struggles of the last 13 years,
I take comfort in knowing that we aren’t defined by where we’ve been, but by
where we’re going. I’m excited to
continue on this journey with you, to grow with you, to parent with you, to
love you, and to be loved by you.
